Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004) movie poster

(2004) dir. Sara Sugarman
viewed: 07/25/07

Ah, Lindsay Lohan.  But only two years ago, I’d only heard her name, knew naught of her.  I saw Mean Girls (2004).  And somewhere along the way, I have become a celebrity news junky.  So, now I’m more up on things that I just shouldn’t know and really don’t care about, but anyways…  So, this will seem amusing now, this very moment, but in the future, this notable fact will seem silly and trite and seriously out of date, but in honor of her second DUI and drug arrest, just two weeks out of rehab, wearing an alcohol-monitoring anklet…it seemed like a good time for a Lindsay double feature.  Sadly, her new movie I Know Who Killed Me (2007) is due out in a couple days and actually looks more interesting than anything else that she’s been in.  It didn’t make the cut.  I chose this film for the title.

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is a bad teen film.  Interestingly, it isn’t one that makes her look particularly likeable.  The story is about Lola, a self-involved teenager who is moved to the New Jersey suburbs with her mother from New York City, her striving for popularity, celebrity, and coolness.  With the snarky voiceover, the audience is intended to be amused by her cleverness and her individuality, funkiness, in contrast with the staid and middling suburban high school scene and the pretty, bitchy counterpart, played as the “mean girl”.

Of course, Lola is as self-involved and selfish as her nemesis, to a point that one might think that their characters are interchangeable.  Lola’s buddy, the mousy, clean-cut Ella, on the other hand, is likable, but too boring to hold the spotlight, I guess.

They have a crazy adventure, going to New York City for a concert and to meet their much adored favorite rock stars.  It’s charmless, mostly.

But the point of great irony here is when she confronts her idol, the rock star, and tells him that he’s just “a drunk”, which according to the templates of these shallow pop confections of movies convinces him to get help and become sober.  He enters treatment.  Ah, Lindsay, you need to have that effect on yourself, apparently.

As far as these types of movies go, this isn’t a particularly good one.  Mean Girls is better.  I don’t know what will become of her or her career, small or lots more drama, cleaned up or with lots more mess, but she really is a lot more famous for being famous because her filmic history is pretty lame so far.  Maybe the next one will be better.

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