Legion (2010) movie poster

(2010) dir. Scott Stewart
viewed: 05/25/10

The apocalypse.  This time it’s all on God.  You see, he’s lost faith in mankind and so has sent his army of angels to destroy them, particularly one baby still in utero, who could signal a rebirth of life.  And these angels take the forms of monster-people, possessed, scary, sharp-toothed, for some reason.  And the only one who has come to help the humans in the archangel Michael, with tattoos, muscles, an English accent, and a whole lot of guns.

And this all takes place in a desert outpost called “Paradise Falls”.  Get it?  Paradise falls?  Maybe we should make that more obvious and put it up on top of the restaurant in great big neon letters.  Actually, that is exactly what we have.

So, clearly, not  a movie about subtlety.  But rather one of very obvious turns of oppositional representation.  See, God and the angels are the bad guys.  What!  The mother of an unwanted pregnancy is the birth mother of the new Christ.  She smokes.  She’s unwed.  She almost had an abortion.  What!

Actually, this film is an odd one from the religious perspective.  Playing against some obvious types with the angels as bad guys, apparently some religious types found it sacreligious.  But really, it’s an affirmation of the meek and the redemption of humanity.  So, what creative license the film utilizes, it’s still supports the overall vision of Christian systems.

But really, it’s a really, really lame movie.

In the trailers for the film, two key moments are shown.  In the first one, a little old lady with a walker and a sweet voice and face inquires of the pregnant mother of her due date and then tells her that the baby is going to burn, goes all demonic, climbs to the ceiling, and eventually gets shot.  The other, an ice cream man, dressed like a member of Devo for some reason, appears, screams, stretching his face out and then deforms into a long-limbed, semi-insect-like form.  This striking visual was a key for promoting the film.  But you know what?  Right after he does all that, he simply gets shot and killed and never shows up again.

And when the film tries to get all “human”, with its moralizing backstories and tender moments with the actors speaking their hearts, it’s outright painful.  I don’t know that the actors are bad themselves, but with dialogue like what they are saddled with, it’s pretty embarrassing to listen to.  And another thing, why does Dennis Quaid’s son, who was raised in Arizona according to the story, sound like he comes from Alabama?   When no one else has an accent of the sort?

The whole thing is a weak premise, a crappy effort, and an annoying waste of time.  It did strike me that this was the first DVD I watched of a film that had already come out in 2010 in the theaters.  And you know, I really knew that this was going to suck.  I thought the trailers looked lame, obvious, unsurprising.  But I guess that I have a weak spot for these horror films, though this actually with its mixture of genres, isn’t really pure horror.  Well, it’s purely horrible anyways.

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