If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? (1971)

If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? (1971) title screen

director Ron Ormond
viewed: 07/05/2018

Communism will destroy the United States. Sex Ed, cartoons, and television can be your moral doom. Mississippi Baptist Christianity is the only thing that can save us, according to Estus Pirkle in Ron Ormond’s If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?  Also, “Dancing is the front door to adultery.”

So massively crazy is this Christian scare film cum Exploitation sleaze. What’s even more frightening is how fucking amazingly and terrifyingly relevant this red hot bowl of shit is even today. I thought to myself, if this was made today it would be a YouTube video (Ironically enough, I watched this on YouTube).

Hilarious and atrocious, If Footmen Tire You is some pretty wow stuff. Frankly, the DSM-5 should classify this kind of religious fervor is a psychological abnormality.

Estus Pirkle was 41 in 1971, and looking into this psycho prism is like a glimpse back into its own type of hell, one ruled over by Pirkle as Satan himself. Only crazy crap of a similar order may be just as alive and well today.  Lucky for us Pirkle died in 2005.

A incredible artifact.

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