The Worst

Ninja Assassin (2009) movie poster The Fountain (2006) movie poster

For all the great movies I’ve seen, I’ve certainly seen some real skunks as well.  One thing about bad movies is that they can make for some more amusing reviews.

This page details the Worst Films that I’ve seen since writing the Kennelco Film Diary.  Beware!

Lady in the Water (2006) movie poster Death Proof (2007) movie poster

(Special mention to Uwe Boll, M. Night Shyamalan, and Ivan Reitman, who each make the list twice.)

Worst of the Kennelco Film Diary

Kick-Ass 2 (2013) dir. Jeff Wadlow
Only God Forgives (2013) dir. Nicolas Winding Refn
The Apparition (2012) director Todd Lincoln
We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011) director Lynne Ramsay
The Green Hornet (2011) dir. Michel Gondry
I’m Still Here (2010) dir. Casey Affleck
Jonah Hex (2010) dir. Jimmy Hayward
Gulliver’s Travels (2010) dir. Rob Letterman
Devil (2010) dir. John Erick Dowdle

After.Life (2009) dir. Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009) dir. Jack Perez
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009) dir. Patrick Tatopoulos
Mutant Chronicles (2008) dir. Simon Hunter
The Spirit (2008) dir. Frank Miller
Donkey Punch (2008) dir. Oliver Blackburn
In Bruges (2008) dir. Martin McDonagh
Doomsday (2008) dir. Neil Marshall
Shoot ‘Em Up (2007) dir. Michael Davis
Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof (2007) dir. Quentin Tarantino
The Ten (2007) dir. David Wain
Sukiyaki Western Django (2007) dir. Takashi Miike
Spider-Man 3 (2007) dir. Sam Raimi
I Know Who Killed Me (2007) dir. Chris Sivertson
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007) dir. Uwe Boll
Arthur and the Invisibles (2006) dir. Luc Besson
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) dir. Ivan Reitman
The Fountain (2006) dir. Darren Aronofsky
The Wicker Man (2006) dir. Neil LaBute
Lady in the Water (2006) dir. M. Night Shyamalan
Southland Tales (2006) dir. Richard Kelly
Art School Confidential (2006) dir. Terry Zwigoff
Little Miss Sunshine (2006) dir. Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris
Alone in the Dark (2005) dir. Uwe Boll
Revolver (2005) dir. Guy Ritchie
The Devil’s Rejects (2005) dir. Rob Zombie
Aeon Flux (2005) dir. Karyn Kusama
Fever Pitch (2005) dir. Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly
The Ring Two (2005) dir. Hideo Nakata
Catwoman (2004) dir. Pitof
All the Real Girls (2003) dir. David Gordon Green
The Room (2003) dir. Tommy Wiseau
Signs (2002) dir. M. Night Shyamalan
Evolution (2001) dir. Ivan Reitman

Kurt & Courtney (1998) dir. Nick Broomfield
Dinosaur Island (1994) dir. Fred Olen Ray, Jim Wynorski
Troll 2 (1990) dir. Claudio Fragosso

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987) dir. Rod Amateau
Vicious Lips (1985) dir. Albert Pyun
Night Train to Terror (1985) dir. various
Pieces (1982) dir. Juan Piquer Simón
Piranha Part Two: The Spawning (1981) dir. James Cameron, Ovidio G. Assonitis

Nude for Satan (1974) dir. Luigi Batzella
Zardoz (1974) dir. John Boorman
The Last House on the Left (1972) dir. Wes Craven
El Topo (1970) dir. Alejandro Jodorowsky

1 thought on “The Worst”

  1. You’re crazy putting Signs in your list of worst films! It was fantastic: suspenseful, scary, with character and family drama, and had you rooting for the good guys (the humans, who overcome emotional atrophy in the face of a real-life, not self-imposed, threat of demise). Heck, M Shamabananagan (whatever) even served up false hope (the human hope of there being some kind of savior/benevolent force out there) when we realize the aliens aren’t here to make friends. When Joaquin Phoenix finally picks up that baseball bat, I was jumping out of my seat cheering, “Hell yeah, smash that ugly alien to Kingdom Come!” The worst part of the film was the improbability of Mel Gibson’s and Phoenix’s characters being brothers. It just doesn’t equate on a timeline.

    Watch it again, after spending a night camping on a mountain contemplating the universe of distant planets, thinking that there’s gotta be some other form of life out there—but do we really want to meet it …

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